April 10, 2009 at 6:30 pm (family)

Tomorrow I’ll be with my husband’s family and we’ll be celebrating the life of his brother, Jeremy.  We’ll have a good time being together & staying busy with fun activities for the kids.  Unfortunately though the guest of honor won’t be with us.  Later this month we’ll mark six years since we lost Jeremy.  Tomorrow he would be turning 24.  I think everyone has a “phrase” they use to describe the death of someone … we lost him, since he passed away, went home, etc.  I tend to always use “lost”, but I recently read someone hated that phrase because she didn’t lose her loved one – she knew exactly where he was!  Thankfully, we know exactly where Jeremy is too.  We know he’s with a God that loves him & celebrates him just like we will be tomorrow.  And we know he’s praising a God & celebrating a God that he loved with all his (young) heart!  Just a few days after Jeremy died, I wrote a poem as I tried to sort out my thoughts and feelings to a very unexpected and sudden loss.

Understanding always seems like the hardest thing to do

When things don’t make any sense & life doesn’t leave a clue.

When all that’s left is memories

With no chance to capture new moments,

We can’t help but want to understand

We can’t help but wonder how all this can be part of your plan.


To leave so many people hurting

To leave so many people in pain

To leave so many people not knowing, how they’ll ever live again.


Why couldn’t we say good-bye?

Why couldn’t we have that chance?

To express our love one last time

Before our heart’s final dance.


If only to see him strong like the trees

Or feel him like the gentle rain.

To hear him clear like thunder,

We might feel whole & sane.


Could it be that heaven wasn’t complete?

Or that your mighty love wanted to spare his future pain?

Could it be that you rejoiced that day,

For your child had come home to say?

And did you also mourn,

To see your children left behind in such pain?


We know his heart was ready – he was an angel here on earth.

So open & forgiving

Always loving & accepting.

Now we know our treasure in heaven

Is much greater than it could have ever been.


And as those left behind are faced with a world that’s new,

Understanding still seems like the hardest thing to do.

Happy Birthday Jeremy!  We’ll always love & miss you!!



  1. ohamanda said,

    Beautiful, Mandi! Praying for Jeremy’s family.

  2. Becky said,

    What a lovely poem, Mandi! I hope you enjoy celebrating Jeremy tomorrow.

  3. Erin B said,

    I cant believe it has been 6 years. He was awesome.

  4. Alicia said,

    Wow, what an awesome poem Mandi! Thinking of you all during this time….

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  6. Relishing Life said,

    Wow, what a beautiful poem!! Your poem captures the raw feelings that I have had when trying to deal with the loss of loved ones. Thank you for sharing this! I hope that God has begun to soften the pain for you and your family.

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